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6 entries this month
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00:20 Sep 20 2008
Times Read: 716
Don't you just hate when the one person who is suppose to be there for you. No matter what. The person who was there through every part of your childhood. (If you don't get who I'm talking about yet... I'm talking about mothers...) They just... start being a contradiction.
So me and mom were talking in the car on the way to get food... she was telling me how her parents put her down... I tell her that she can do anything she wants to while thinking "hum... don't you do the same thing to me?". Her dad doesn't believe she can get her site up and running at full force... when it is almost there already...
When has my mom ever shown me she believes in me. She thinks I'm going to mess up... just like all my sisters did in some way. well aside from one of them. I'm not a screw up. I have learned from them. I have learned to push myself because of my parents... but how can you just... not care what they think.
My mom is always putting me down... even if it's just joking around... Then she always says I don't help around the house... when I try to, I never do it right, I didn't do it good enough... so why even try right?
When she is upset or worked up... who does she take it out on? me
Why is it always me? because I don't yell back and I don't threaten to just leave
Thank you!
11:39 Sep 16 2008
Times Read: 761
For those of you who found out the girls name and defended me. Thank you. I wish I could do something for you all! You all have made me feel so loved. The only thing I can do from here though is say thank you! Also know that I would return the favor the best that I can, if something like this where to happen to you.
Today's stress
17:10 Sep 14 2008
Times Read: 773
My day has just went from bad to horrible. My niece spent the night last night, and woke up from a night mare at like 2 am. So I had to clam her down and get her to go back to bed. Then, this morning someone messages me calling me names that are just... horrible. Then, just now, my dad just started yelling at my niece because she was "whining". She had a bad night, she's stressed with how everyone treats her. She's only 5 for crying out loud! You don't yell at her for being upset over her mom making her eat something that isn't what she really wants to eat. I mean he was screaming at her. Then my sister started yelling to. I just don't want to be here any more. I really don't. It is to much to handle with all the stuff that's going on already.
Update
01:09 Sep 11 2008
Times Read: 792
So my doctor called a few hours ago... It's not arthritis... so that means it might be my acid reflux just being THAT bad right now. I'm not sure... so that means I have to flush my system... bland diet here I come... eww! but it will be worth it in the end... maybe... I hope
X-rays
20:49 Sep 08 2008
Times Read: 820
I got a few x-rays today.... not fun. They make my head hurt. I had to get 4 different ones... and he had to redo 2 of them. My head hurts from them now. They were chest x-rays. He was trying to get a good one of my sternum. My doctor thinks I have arthritis. Have you ever heard of an 18 year old having arthritis? It's crazy! but quite possible. She believes that is what is causing my chest pains. The joints where the ribs and the sternum connect. That would so suck. I would be on a type of steroid for join swelling for the rest of my life... I'm not looking forward to this all. I honestly hope it's something more simple. I'll find out in 3 days.. about.
uggg
02:00 Sep 04 2008
Times Read: 844
I am so tired. I have had so much going on. School, work, family stuff, all of it taking up all of my time.
I have been having chest pains again. Mom is going to make an appointment for me with a specialist. I don't really know what kind of specialist, but one to help with my heart I guess. I'm not even sure what is causing my chest pains. They always come back the same time something else comes back too... and that's something I'm not so willing to talk about.
I have been kinda depressed again lately. I'm not even sure why. Things are going pretty good for me. I like my classes, my job is fun but easy, my family is happy and healthy(for the most part). So why am I depressed again?
My friend Joe is having some family issues, and Caroline is too. Caroline's family issues are almost identical to mine right now... kinda scary. I know what's going on is best for the future, but it's so painful right now. Who know what will really happen though, things can always change.
One of the great guys I talk to... he keeps saying I'm afraid to fall in love. But I just think that I'm just not confident enough for me to want to be with anyone. I don't really know. I just know what I want in a relationship, I mean I have the love of a bunch of GREAT friends and love that is much stronger then friendship headed my direction. Is it so wrong to be unsure of yourself in a relationship(friendship or bf/gf relationship). I'm not very sure of my emotions. I'm so good at hiding them that I tend to hide then from myself too. What should it matter though. I know how I feel... sort-of.
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COMMENTS
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BornfromDeath
01:38 Sep 20 2008
i know this must hurt ALOT.... but all you can do is grow from this and learn from her mistakes... i used to do the same to my son....and one day he looked at me and said (in a loud voice) "MOM WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT ME DOWN AND THINK I CAN'T DO ANYTHING"? it made me step back and think about what i say to him.... i came real close to yellin at him for raiseing his voice but i realized he was right...
Seamus
08:19 Sep 20 2008
Hugs I understand I am the baby in my family and have to do everything for everyone and never a nice thing said but I agree about growing from it
Angelus
18:42 Sep 20 2008
why does she? 'coz she can.
TheBratPrince
15:21 Sep 29 2008
all you can do is prove everyone that puts you down or doubts your amazing ability to become anyone you want to be prove them all wrong by becoming what you want and not messing up like your sisters surpass them and prove that they doubted you out of fear of failing themselves